The young person is the one who wrote in, and its super common for people of any gender at that age to have a crush on an older, more mature role model. through mediation, settlement conference, etc. But LW will meet plenty of other dating options and has plenty of time to keep looking for someone else. US I get about 4 pieces of mail delivered to my office at work a year so thats not a very common occurrence for a lot of people. My mother was hospitalized due to a recent severe cancer diagnosis over Christmas. Why? If she doesnt, that could spin the situation into a different light. We have two people with a respectful and friendly relationship. all about love and couple relationships in their varied forms. Its also entirely possible to be unevenly mature for ones age. Saying it wasnt a great holiday might invite inquiries, but not doing much sounds boring and nobody wants to hear more about it. He should proceed with great caution, or not at all. Shes supposed to be working, not reading the bosss diary! Whether you call them your work spouse or office crush, some of these connections have merit. Lol same! It doesnt mean youre on the same emotional or life experience level as someone that much older than you. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. I am 10000% certain that my managers keep notes on how they evaluate my performance. But even if nothing concrete comes of the discussion, remind your wife that its better to know where she stands with her boss than to be oblivious to it. But weigh what you know first. That doesnt mean anything more than that they are stuck in the same place on a regular basis. Continue with Recommended Cookies. A place where someone keeps all their work notes, assuming that it will be confidential. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. All we know about her is that shes 15 years older than him, that they have had intellectual conversations over the 3+ years theyve known each other through work, and that now that theyre in the same area and shes no longer his supervisor, theyre friendly enough to go for walks together sometimes. (I hate having to say this since I am not someone who wants any, but most do, so.) There is a huge difference among: +1. Everybody knows that most people didnt celebrate the holidays in the same way that they usually do. I was confused. My former virologist self was v v happy :). I filed for unemployment and have gone back and forth with Unemployment in my state. The wife and mom tried to write off her attraction as "just a crush," but something tells us that's far from the truth. *squick*. You may lose all this and friendship for a women who is nearly twice your age. But, when you leave that world, like leaving high school or college, not seeing people on the day to day defines your real relationship with them. Consider something like I like you and would like to spend more time with you. Unemployment likely has its own system, deadlines, steps, and lingo and a regular person who doesnt deal with it day in and day out may feel overwhelmed by the system itself. Or if she just says no thank you and LW just feels too awkward or hurt to continue being friends. OP3, Im in the UK too, and also had a horrible Christmas break- not just with the last minute change to restrictions, but with an appalling non-covid related tragedy in the family on NYE. Unemployment says they overpaid me and wants repayment but I cant reach them She likely saw him as a young kid, slightly full of himself (Im not your typical . Yeah, Im in my early 30s and have friends who are a decade younger, but Im not sure Id date any of them. I would advise that your wife really take a hard and honest look at herself before approaching the manager. It is absolutely worth discussing this point in advance. Tons of people do work for the Gates Foundation! I have a crush on a 40 year old white woman at the store where I work. Thats not workplace advice anymore really, but between that and the fact that she is his superior at work, I dont think he shouldnt say anything. As for the OP, I doubt that anyone would be focused on their age gaps contribution to power differential issues if they were 36 and 51 respectively, or perhaps even 27 and 42. Keep in mind I am not your typical 21-year-old. This is true. Whatever your answer is, I hope we can continue our friendship and hikes without too much awkwardness. UK here and got a boss wholl tell you to put a meeting in your diary (means Outlook calendar) and I also have a diary at home where I scrawl my general thoughts etc. Id also slightly disagree with Alisons description of a diary English. If hes been feeling this way for 3 years then Im sure the feelings are genuine but the truth is that to any outside observer a 36-year-old dating a 21-year-old at work doesnt look great. I am really confused about a guy at work. And, if you do play it safe and she has similar feelings, there is nothing stopping her from letting you know. And if an older person is interested in someone whose frontal lobes still are not fully mature, maybe they are not emotionally mature either. Retail throws all sorts of folks who might otherwise never interact together, there will be times the store is dead and theres nothing work related to talk about, so you talk about other stuff (which might include whatever a 17-21 year old considers deep, intellectual talk). Started Saturday at 10:08 AM. My point is not to assume, but to appeal now, dont wait. And yes, statistically that would be much more well-founded but it still remains that it can be hard to identify when youre young how much of your feelings come from a power/influence differential (whereas the one with more influence should be well aware of that). Is she being flirtatious / sending interested signals / making social overtures herself? Yes, there seems to be a lot of jumping to conclusions about this woman. I agree, I dont recognise Alisons British description at all and checked the comments just to see if anyone else picked up on it! If you're interested, I suggest recommending another mentor for him so that you can keep things ethical at work. The name will probably be something like [State] Human Rights Commission or [State] Commission on Human Rights. That sentiment was confusing and odd even if their age gap is potentially awkward from a romantic perspective, that wouldnt necessarily mean that they wouldnt have anything to talk about beyond small talk. (Not updated since January 2020). The context indicates which in my experience. Hugs! Chances are not small that a relationship between them could harm her professional reputation. Ah, thank you. And but theyre not a minor is a common argument made by people with bad intentions. i was in the same situation. They are both adults over 18, it is all that matters.. A (literally) couple of good friends of mine have a significant age gap (9 years). eNotAlone Relationships, Dating, Breakup, Marriage, Love Articles. Which is normal we cant make it through all life experiences on speed mode, and some experiences are only legally available when youre an adult, so at 21 you just wont have had time for all of them. . I feel like a hypocrite on this one because the person I am interested in is.uh, younger, albeit not 21 younger (thank god), but I also hate age differences. I recommend caution only becuse good friends are hard to find. Legislators just get angry at the people who actually DO the work, threaten to cut funding, but also ignore the people who dont call them. OP3: This just isnt something about which you need to be honest, or at least factual. The very nicest clients will authorise a useful soundbite that you can use on your website/advertising materials. Nobody is going to be hurt here if you obfuscate, and the moral superiority of never lying is wasted on occasions like this. That makes the task a bit easier. Well, the helpful thing here is that the normal unfortunate dynamics are absent: The woman is older and more powerful. My goodness. But this particular case isnt one where gender matters. Single people hook up. Op #1 says: Keep in mind I am not your typical 21-year-old. [3] Keep the conversation going. How to Tell When a Coworker Is Intimidated by You: 15 Definite Signs. What Does It Mean When Someone Ignores You? Getting to know her and her thoughts on things in general, very well may help. OP 1: I think you know the answer to your question and the answer is Dont. Unemployment isnt a service. Or even if the genders were reversed surely 21-year-olds and 36-year-olds can have interesting conversations. We talked about anything and everything under the sun, and whenever we chatted, it was honest and deep. Do you normally carry in the mail and about the same time every day, or otherwise have access to your bosss office? All of my coworkers have been travelling throughout the pandemic, so the holidays were no exception. In a 100% non-creepy, straightforward way. While there are other factors that would lead me to advise against a relationship (she is still a manager at his workplace, different location or no! I dont know if shes under a ton of stress over this pandemic (some of us have been operating at crisis management levels for too long) and really relies on your friendly night hikes and chats for some sort of normalcy. I think what could be a normal convo for her is potentially impressive to someone whose peers are still at a different mentality/life stage. Welcome to the Digital Spy forums. She has Company A and they billed Company B. One of the most in love couples I know is 26 years apart. Barf. One of my former 60-something suitors found me in a Kik chat some years later and wanted to catch up, and I was understandably apprehensive. he called my message self-aggrandizing and wished me good luck with my next victim. I eventually went back to that company and were coworkers again. I had some fascinating discussions with my older coworkers when I worked retail. Of course they took about two months to process it, but they did eventually get to it. It makes me feel both resentful that they made those choices while I remained buckled down at home with my family as weve been much of the year; and frankly also jealous. Its one thing to take into account among others. Did not make them so. Related reading: 10 Advantages of Dating An Older Woman! I imagine it must be like retirement. We all lived in the same general geographic area; 4. Or maybe the wifes boss assumed grown-up employees know how to mind their own business, and not read documents on other peoples desks. Check in on company policy. People are starved for human interaction, they reach out to people they havent spoken to in years,etc.. Id never night hike with someone unless I was sure our relationship was platonic! Or maybe you're looking for signs your co-worker is attracted to you. John Keegan. For anyone, if discovering that your friend is disinterested in dating you (for absolutely any reason) would mean that the status quo of your relationship would change for you, then in my opinion, you would need to examine if your friendship now was even genuine or if you were just using it as a way to try to get a romantic relationship from them. Especially when they lectured me about ageism. I tried to not friend/follow coworkers because of drama like this, but almost everyone here does so I was trying to fit in. This is perfect, thank you and everyone else who has commented! In case it is not clear, I am at work 8 hours a day with coworkers and the public. The only time I could imagine not doing this would be an emergency situation, like the building being on fire, which we know didnt happen. As in, OMG my sister read my diary, I cant believe it, as well as Let me put that in the diary for next Tuesday. They steal glances at you throughout the day for no apparent reason. At 36, you should know better. I do think there is an expiration date on the hope that women will go for what the entitled and presumptive cohort are offering. Being confident isn't the same thing as being cocky. if pushed, Doesnt even have to be truthful, necessarily, but its probably simpler if it is. She did not do anything wrong by talking with her coworker. I did very little over my break. I think thats what Alison meant, that if the LW was using diary to mean a planner/appointment book, then its not that weird for the boss to have it at work. Let alone the fact that I cant see my partner or my friends back in London. Were committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. But the last-minute travel ban was really hard on everyone. I dont see anything here that screams to me that shes into you. John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. I had a thing with about the same ages as in the LWs case, with me the younger half. Friday's debut of "No Hard Feelings," a sex work romcom that doesn't want to admit to its own subgenre, is very much of our era. Theyd say they could date more established adults because they were mature. [17] X Research source. Particularly the last sentence, there are probably more benefits to your job and career, than to be putting the hard word on her! Ive been doing something similar. I would think it more likely that the older colleague views the OP as a nice kid with a common interest who shes happy to hang out with, but who she thinks is clearly not a romantic prospect and thus she is comfortable with these interactions in a way that she would probably not be if she considered he was likely to think of her that way. But if Im off base and what the 36-year-old is doing is totally appropriate, then dont mind me. Although it could be a regional/occupational thing. love conquers all and age is just a number is unfortunately what a lot of people tell themselves, and it rarely ends up working out well. I talked to my congressmans staff, within a week the situation was taken care of. If it was a trap then that is even scarier in terms of future at the company. It isnt making sense to me in American or British vernacular. But intelligence is not the same thing as emotional maturity. We got along like a house on fire and enjoyed each others company, so why not! I agree with Alisons process for vetting the circumstances, especially different priorities due to differing stages of life. Talk to a human resource representative, if you cant find information elsewhere. She is debating leaving her job after having an 'emotional affair' with her married coworker. 4 minutes ago. I just want to say, on this most Tuesdayish of all January Tuesdays, thank you for putting the image of David Haig shouting Stop FANNYING ABAHT into my head and raising a much-needed smile! Anyway, it seems like a bad idea to keep a work diary where you complain about coworkers and then leave it open on your desk? I thought that was what AAM was suggesting when she recommended consulting with an attorney (in addition to possible UI issues). I'm 13 years older than my crush but I look much younger than my age, and I have one child (teenage . :), I feel like this would give you smiles today I ran across it earlier this year and now am snort-laughing again: https://www.buzzfeed.com/hannahmarder/this-twitter-thread-where-people-pretend-their-pets-are. My worry is, will it be weird for her to be asked out by a guy maybe 10 years younger than her. Happy New Year is a pretty standard greeting for me this week when reaching out on biz. But I do not look at this from that perspective. What Do Guys Think Of Their Female Friends? Asking a woman out that you work with can be fraught enough without that aspect. Optics are important. So in this situation: Oh, you know, 2020 how was yours? Or: Well, Im glad 2020 is over! Until I spend time around actual 25 year olds and realize that no, I am in fact an entire generation older. LW, the main thing here is that you have to weigh the chance of getting a yes against the risk of causing collateral damage at work. Personally I was fortunate to have been able to decamp to my parents house before Lockdown 2.0 in November, so I was able to spend Christmas with my family, but the flip side of that is that I havent been home for 9 weeks, am now looking at a further 6 weeks minimum away from my flat, and the admin side of that is starting to be a headache. It would be the equivalent of saying that someone wanting a partner of the opposite sex is homophobic. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health. Night hiking is quite common in some places so not sure that is an indicator of much beyond shared interest and weird retail hours. I have good insurance. (I used to work in a Congressional office, and we got calls from people for all kinds of issues state, local, and things that werent government at all. Unemployment says they overpaid me and wants repayment but I cant reach them. 4) Even so, she wants to ask him out. Or who are accustomed to conversations where people just platitude at each other. Ive been trying to decide where to donate this year, and I like donating to places that really have a permanent outsize impact, which this really does! The 5th One Is Definitely True. When you get in touch with them by calling their listed number or going in person, go over all the details and make sure theres no mistake. My first conversation about it was got snowed in, won online scrabble and that was really it. (Also I hate that a regular name is being used this way.). This letter feels more like a mentoring thing or just a friendship. 3) someone can get an attorney at any point. 2) the majority of complaints involved low wage jobs (because most jobs are low way jobs) and a significant number of those had no representation And on top of that, there are many things that Im perfectly capable of handling but that I decide to leave to other people when the stakes are high. ), I am a cat-like standoffish introvert who prefers dogs. Also, FYI, if she has reason think youre way older than you are, that is not necessarily a great foundation for a relationship. a) being composed or having a formal comportment, I dont think its accurate to describe that as an echo chamber unless its your sole source of news or information about the world, which doesnt seem to be the case at all. 8 12 comments Best Goatsonice 6 yr. ago Had a crush on an older lady for a year, we got closer and closer, talked nearly everyday, and now we're dating. Maybe it is helpful to the OP. I stayed in my city while many of my coworkers traveled against public health advice (although it wasnt explicitly forbidden to travel in the U.S., just discouraged, and millions of people traveled anyway). Also, again, if shes anything like me, she doesnt have her act together, shes just good at pretending like she does. This is basically why formality exists. I agree, great tactic. MD to Pharmacy: She needs this medication (We had tame fun.) But probably the key fact is that neither of us saw this as a permanent thing, and we were both open about this. Follow us at: Gulraj Singh Bedi, 23 years old, is a student of the Indian Institute of Mass Communication. . Yes, it was bad judgment for the boss to leave that out, it was worse judgment for the wife to read it. So if Id wanted, back then, to claim I was mature I should have been a lot less arrogant (gods was I obnoxious), a lot more willing to laugh and a lot less sure that I was grown up. I personally find this equation dubious at best, and seems to be used to justify middle aged men dating very young women, but even by this most generous guideline, Id say the age gap is simply too big. Valar morgulis and all that. Talking to her was like walking out of a room devoid of light, into a lush green sunlit orchard. If it is open and on a desk that I am dropping off the mail on, I wouldnt be able to avoid seeing whats in it. That bit where insurance companies get to decide who gets what treatment, rather than the doctors being able to make the best decision for the individual given their circumstances, bothers me. Have small children. 11 minutes ago. I can only say hang in there, and hopefully this will get better for everyone, and we will be able to see loved ones soon! Thank you for your thoughtfulness see folks, you can be pro-age gap relationships without reducing issues to platitudes! If so it may be a scam. She was older but she always listened to him. Anne Elliot, I must disagree somewhat. It does seem like it was intentionally left out and open. I would say that no one is really capable of judging how mature they are from the inside, regardless of age. Overall, I like my job and most of my coworkers are pretty good. It sounds like you and this woman are good friends, and youve known her since you were 19 and she was in her early 30s. Unfortunately, I seem to work with some people who keep a list. But this is different. She was in her late 20s and I was around 23. But I asked myself if I would feel the same way if it was a male 36-year-old manager asking a 21 year old entry level employee to go on a late night hike, and honestly I wouldnt. First, in the retail world, its not uncommon to be transferred. Also, whats up with calling you a Karen for not liking their posts? Lets date? The only way the OP can know which reaction hell get is to ask and unfortunately, its a risk. Also, age gaps can be hard! Now that you've analyzed, considered, and really meditated upon how terrible this idea is, you need to stop obsessing over this person.