good excuses to cancel plans with friendsgood excuses to cancel plans with friends

The other exception for this excuse is if you work in some kind of deadline-intense job, and you, ahem, may have a habit of procrastinating until the last minute. Having an emergency or something unexpected come up was spontaneously mentioned about 25% of the time (only some of the time did this unexpected feature include the aforementioned reasons). Participants preferred to receive a moderate amount of notice when being canceled on. Although our assumption was that cancellations would negatively affect friendships and their longevity, this item likewise might have been too vague with respect to how cancellations can affect friendships (e.g., end the friendship, make things awkward, make the friendship stronger if it involved an important disclosure). You can get sick at any time and thus its an easy excuse to get out of plans at the last minute (or with advance notice). Cancelling plans with friends This one might be the easiest and seemingly most forgivable, but make sure you're honest and don't feed the urge to fabricate a white lie. Conversely, excuses regarding a better offer, such as finding something better to do, were among the most unacceptable reasons to cancel plans. How to Cancel Plans: Etiquette Dos and Don'ts - Diane Gottsman This excuse is a good one because its likely the truth in many cases! 5. Other excuses were more self-focused, such as the canceller being poor at planning and changing their mind about socializing. And, people are generally pretty good at recognizing an excuse that is not 100% truthful. Likeableness and meaningfulness ratings of 555 (+487) person-descriptive words. In P. A. Specifically, the corresponding author read through 20% of open-ended responses to each of the three questions separately to develop the features (i.e., codes) which would subsequently be used to code all the responses. Krems, J. Most of the time, its a good idea to be honest with the person you made plans with you can always offer to reschedule or spend time together on a different date. Yep, its his turn to go out since you went out last weeksuch a bummer. Downey, G., Feldman, S. I. Also unmeasured here is how people would evaluate their friends and the possibility of a cancellation if they had full knowledge of the circumstances of a situation. When your boo becomes a ghost: The association between breakup strategy and breakup role in experiences of relationship dissolution. Excuses to Get Out of Plans Last-Minute, Ranked - Lifehacker (1996). I hate to admit it, but Im guilty of this too. It would be understandable to be upset about cancelling plans given that this would signal an asymmetry in investment in a friendship. The authors report no competing or conflicts of interest in the execution or publication of this project. The ordinal effects of ostracism: A meta-analysis of 120 cyberball studies. Future research can more deliberately test questions about causality, process, context, and individual differences by developing laboratory paradigms and measuring individual difference characteristics. Undergraduate students were awarded course credit; MTurk participants were compensated $.50. Canceling Plans With A Friend? A New Study Says This Is The - HuffPost In a study that sought to identify the largest contributors to disappointment, Carroll et al. ), Michigan State University, East Lansing, MI, US. 9 times out of 10, honesty is the best policy. We occasionally ran paired-sample t-tests comparing some of the closed-ended questions against each other (i.e., comparing cancellations from acquaintances, close friends, and friends) and one-sample t-tests to test whether the mean of a closed-ended question was significantly above or below the midpoint (for descriptive purposes). Their order was scrambled prior to the provision for the initial coding and subsequent coders. (2002)s Study 1, Temporal Factors Associated With Visual Processing Bias in Peripersonal Space, Measuring CHAOS? The fact of the matter is that you dont really need an excuse to cancel plans. Recipient(s) will receive an email with a link to 'How to Cancel Plans With Friends: A Mixed Methods Study of Strategy and Experience' and will not need an account to access the content. 11 Good Excuses To Miss Work on Short Notice - Zippia This also makes it easier to reschedule, since youre not currently busy with whatever was going to make you cancel plans in the first place. Eighty percent of respondents said that canceling plans would not affect their friendship most people reported low levels of distress when they were bailed on, though higher if it was a close friend doing it. Implications of rejection sensitivity for intimate relationships. Over 80% of the sample reported feeling annoyed when they found out that an excuse to cancel was a lie. Honoring commitments is essential to maintaining friendships, which is associated with better health and well-being. This is an open access article distributed under the terms of the, This site uses cookies. 21 Good Excuses to not Hang out with Someone at the Last Minute The answer should sound good for the people to trust that you're sick but the sickness is handleable and easy to get through . All authors approve the content of this paper. Although our MTurk sample included some middle-aged and older participants, future research should more deliberately sample participants across the lifespan, from different racial/ethnic groups, and those living in different countriesall characteristics that might predict variation in how people perceive norms around cancellation and rejection in friendships (Lou & Li, 2017; Maiolatesi et al., 2022; Wolfgramm et al., 2014). Honesty is always the best policy when it comes to bailing on plans, but sometimes were too worried about hurting the other persons feelings or saving face, especially if were canceling without much notice. Christensen-Szalanski, J. J. "I would want them to be honest with why that can't come", Mentions needing to have a legitimate reason Often you can already tell that youll be too wiped out for that show on Thursday, or that theres no way youll make it to all three parties on Friday. Rejection sensitivity across sex, sexual orientation, and age: Measurement invariance and latent mean differences. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. This will give the other person time to make new plans if they'd like, and is more considerate of their time. Evaluating the Short-form Confusion, Hubbub and Order Scale, Revisiting the Links Between Numeracy and Decision Making: Replication Registered Report of Peters et al. In college, I managed to fill up my planner with lunch and dinner dates, parties, Open side menu button Are there certain situationsand even friendshipswhere friends are obligated to provide excuses or not? You're exhausted, overwhelmed, and just want to eat popcorn on your couch. The need to belong: Desire for interpersonal attachments as a fundamental human motivation. Kiecolt-Glaser, J. K., Newton, T. L. (2001). Another great idea is to say that you forgot about a prior commitment and somehow double-booked the date. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases. "They found something better to do", Mention that they do not feel like socializing or lack interest Related: 65 Inspiring Enjoy Your Own Company Quotes. What Are The Best Reasons To Cancel Plans? | Bunch Of Reasons Plus, canceling plans just feels so effing good. Everybody can understand family obligations, so a family member visiting from out of town is a perfect exit strategy. Jablin, F. M., Krone, K. (1984). (2007) found that people feel most disappointed if a negative outcome is unexpected and negatively reflects their self-image or what is important to them personally. You can instead suggest making alternate plans at a later date that are relatively low-cost or even free. We then developed a coding scheme that characterized the vast majority of responses. Friendship jealousy: One tool for maintaining friendships in the face of third-party threats? Ciarocco, N. J., Sommer, K. L., Baumeister, R. F. (2001). 01 Always offer up a reason. The most common ones are as below: You are tired and do not have any energy. You might have to sound sick but not that too much, otherwise, they might cancel their plans to be with you. Chandler, J. Dont do this as an excuse to cancel on actually important plans; you dont get to skip a funeral because youre hungover. We discuss this point further in the Discussion and caution readers from over-interpreting our materials as being a comprehensive assessment of peoples reactions to being cancelled on. In R. W. Robins, R. C. Fraley, R. F. Krueger (Eds.). A., Rholes, W. S., Winterheld, H. A. How upset would you be if a good friend cancelled plans with you? Left missing is an understanding of how to cancel in a way that saves face and/or maintains a relationship (Brown & Levinson, 1987; Wilson et al., 1991). Le, B., Agnew, C. R. (2003). Yep, youd totally rather be able to keep your plans, but unfortunately, now you have to entertain your family. As an introvert myself, I like to spend time alone and often have to challenge my natural inclination to want to get out of plans. If Your Ex Is Going To Be There. Beyond individual difference characteristics, there are a host of context or situation-dependent features as well. Despite some theory and intuition suggesting a right and a wrong way to go about cancelling plans with friends, several unanswered questions remain about how to do so effectively, specifically. 1. For the most part, people will be understanding and not take it personally because hopefully, they realize that youre wanting to cancel plans is not about them, its about you (usually). In order for friendships to last, people must spend time together and invest in those relationships (Hall, 2019; Le & Agnew, 2003; Tran et al., 2019). Unfortunately, youll have to reschedule. (2017). Copyright 2023 by the Regents of the University of California. Likewise, would people prefer that a friend cancels for an honest reason that is ostensibly distasteful (i.e., they have a better offer) or that the friend keeps the reason vague, so that their feelings and the friendship are spared (Brown & Levinson, 1987)? Sophia Caron, Jacqueline Thomas, Alaina Torres, Jeewon Oh, William Chopik; How to Cancel Plans With Friends: A Mixed Methods Study of Strategy and Experience. For example, cancellations with friends do not occur in a vacuum and there is often a long-shared history between friends. The Investment Model has many of its intellectual roots and intersects with other relationship frameworks, such as interdependence theory (Kelley & Thibaut, 1978) and social exchange theory (Clark & Mills, 1979)both of which have implications for how friends influence each other and evaluate the state of the friendship based on what they are putting into and getting out of a friendship. For example, in the context of rejecting sexual advances in romantic relationships, doing so in a way that affirms positive and affectionate relationship feelings for partners is associated with higher relationship satisfaction (Kim et al., 2018, 2020). The most common response from the quantitative data was that people would like advance notice when being cancelled on by a friend and would find it annoying if they were cancelled on a few minutes before or the morning of. I have to go meet themso annoying!". Mentions wanting to be given advanced notice Sometimes we might find ourselves with a legit schedule conflict, and other times we simply dont feel like doing what wed originally planned. Here's How to Cancel Plans Without Alienating Your Friends The data and study materials can be found at: https://osf.io/vxnrk/. Overall, people did not find cancellations too upsetting, even from close friends. How would you prefer that they go about doing it? Thus, people probably expect their friends to give them at least some excuse (rather than merely cancelling with no context) that is somewhat considerate and courteous of them and their friendship (instead of impersonal cancellations). The relationship implications of rejecting a partner for sex kindly versus having sex reluctantly. To be less flaky, cancel as soon as possible. (2018). Part of HuffPost Relationships. Required fields are marked *. Maher, P. J., Igou, E. R., van Tilburg, W. A. P. (2020). Whatever the reason, the situation is that youre now running late and are not going to get there in time for it to be worth itmight as well reschedule for a better day when youll have more time to spend together. But at the end of the day, although making excuses to cancel plans kinda sucks, there are times when we all do need a good excuse to bail. Marriage and health: His and hers. Make all your cancelations ahead of time. Chopik said one of the more surprising findings was the myriad of legitimate reasons people gave their friends for canceling plans. Having trouble thinking of an excuse to get you off the hook? There is no funding to report for this submission. Fourth, our sample comprised entirely of two convenience samples, mostly from an undergraduate student subject pool. More than 1,100 participants were surveyed to examine how people prefer to be canceled on by a friend, the negative emotions they feel when being canceled on and their criteria for good and bad reasons to be canceled on. Related, we were agnostic to whether one excuse was inherently better or worse than another; we strictly described their relative frequencies. Before we get into the list of excuses to cancel plans, Id like to make the point that its important to assesswhyyoure looking to bail on your plans in the first place. A full copy of these results can be requested from the corresponding author or explored in the available data set. Impett, E. A., Beals, K. P., Peplau, L. A. Were allowed to change our minds. Here are some more tactics for canceling without being a flake. Future research can model individual differences in peoples responses to cancellations and their tendencies to and strategies for cancelling on others, as well as situational characteristics that might affect these relationships. We were interested in assessing the conditions under which people would feel more or less upset. For example, politeness theory posits that people seek to maintain two facesone that desires and seeks out approval by significant others (a positive face) and one that desires and seeks out autonomy and to not be impeded by others (a negative face; Brown & Levinson, 1987; Wilson et al., 1991). However, maintaining friendships is important and cancelled plans may evoke feelings of disappointment. Any chance to do it next week instead because you actually cant make it today? New research from Michigan State University suggests that if you want to stay in good standing with friends, your best bet is honesty. Family/friend emergency A dead grandparent or some grave accident is an undeniable emergency that would get you out of any obligation. Maybe a group outing needs a downgrade to one-on-one time. Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window), Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window), Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window). How upset would you be if a casual acquaintance cancelled plans with you? No. Clark, M. S., Mills, J. Do you ever make plans to do something that sounds really great at the time, but then later find yourself looking forexcuses to cancel plans at the last minute? Carly is a wife, mom, and former fashion industry executive turned blogger, who is on a journey to live life as the best version of herself. Keep reading for a handful of do's and don'ts around the etiquette of canceling plans. But people don't do this. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. No, that's not a dirty joke just the truth. No one can fault you for saying its not in the budget right now! Nevertheless, there are limitations that should acknowledged. Content coding of open-ended responses. One of the primary goals of the study was to characterize the preferred ways to be cancelled on and the good and bad excuses for doing so. Doing so would enable us to more closely assess peoples emotional responses to being cancelled on and if these responses vary based on the excuses provided to people. We sought to maximize the amount of data that we could collect. Plus youll feel better for not lying. For example, people high in rejection sensitivity might perceive cancellations to be more upsetting and consequential to the future of their relationships (Downey & Feldman, 1996; London et al., 2007). Such responses aligned well with the aforementioned research on the norms around forming and maintaining relationships (Argyle & Henderson, 1984; Carnegie, 1937/2010). That said, most respondents said theyd be peeved if they learned that the reason provided was a lie. One such circumstance that coalesces many of these concerns is when a friend cancels an opportunity to socialize with people. Are there some reasons for cancellations that are unforgiveable? Loewenstein, G. (1996). Indeed, indicators of responsiveness were also seen in the good and bad reasons for why a friend would cancel: that reasonable excuses involve relatively serious considerations (e.g., health, family, work), require honesty, and occasionally require remorse. Excuse #2: "My boss just moved up the . It also helps save face and maintain positive evaluations in the eyes of the cancellee (Brown & Levinson, 1987; Wilson et al., 1991). The OG excuse. Normally, you love to babysit, but you just watched them the last two years on the same holiday and would like a year off. Health or family reasons were among the most reasonable excuses. An excuse like this basically gives you carte-blanche. A more rigorous test would be to assess participants longitudinally as they experience interpersonal disappointments or transgressions (Dorfman et al., 2022). Participants could mention multiple ways to cancel (e.g., just wanting to be sent a simple text to cancel (Simple Call/text) and wanting to reschedule (Reschedule)) or a good/bad excuse as having multiple components. Woike, B. 21 Believable Excuses For When You Need To Flake On Plans Kim, J. J., Muise, A., Sakaluk, J. K., Rosen, N. O., Impett, E. A. How to Break Plans Without Burning Any Bridges | The Muse Hopefully its just a 24-hour stomach bug or something, but now you have to stay home to take care of him. Just be prepared for the backlash that may come from being brutally honest. There's something wrong with your stomach, something pukey. This works well with out-of-town family and when you make it seem like their visit is unexpected (and the last thing you want to do). "No reason at all". Argyle, M., & Henderson, M. (1984). "have them tell me why they are cancelling plans", Mentions something about rescheduling or making plans for the future Acceptable reasons to cancel include an emergency, illness or a truly unavoidable responsibility. How to Cancel Plans Without Losing Friends and Feeling Like a Jerk - SELF Participants responded to eight Likert-type questions about their general assessment regarding cancelled plans. "can't afford it", Mention they received a more attractive offer from another party or activity That includes the fact that you overslept or are recovering from a bad hangover from drinking too much and bailing on them.. These items were generated from a group discussion between the last author and two students about the possible negative emotional responses and considerations someone might have to be cancelled on. Are some excuses and strategies helpful in maintaining a strong friendship? Communicating the reasons for social rejection. You got your signals crossed and didnt realize that your husband also made plans for that night. Subject: How to Cancel Plans With Friends: A Mixed Methods Study of Strategy and Experience, (Optional message may have a maximum of 1000 characters. Indeed, even the act of cancelling likely evokes some self-reflection on the part of the person doing the cancelling. Enduring personal characteristics might also affect peoples responses to being cancelled on or their memories of previous cancellations. Overall, people reported relatively low levels of distress (i.e., being upset) when various social actors cancelled on them. 35 Convincing Excuses to Get Out of Plans - Authentically Del But when you need a good excuse to miss work last minute, some reasons just won't cut it. (2001). Here are seven excuses that I'm guilty of using. Is canceling truly whats best for you or would some social interaction do you good? You are broke. The effects of obligation on relationships and well-being over time in middle adulthood. How to Cancel Plans, According to an Etiquette Expert - Apartment Therapy The current study provided a descriptive account about how people cancel plans with friends and the best (and worst) ways to do so. Such an observation is also consistent with how people communicate rejection in other contexts, such as romantic relationships (Kim et al., 2020). Instead of going out, offer to make food at home! You must have made a mistake when you put it in your calendar! Feeney, B. C., Cassidy, J. Koessler, R. B., Kohut, T., Campbell, L. (2019). Attachment working models twist memories of relationship events. Theres no need to be overwrought and overly apologetic in explaining, either. You can simply say that there is some family drama going on that you have to tend to and you dont want to get into the details. Family dinner. My general go-to: "'Sorry, I physically cannot go outI had such a long night yesterday.'" Most people understand and commiserate with you when you say you don't want to. First, the current study was cross-sectional in nature and relied on peoples responses to being cancelled on and general attitudes toward cancellations. Since the person doesnt know you all that well, they will likely not feel comfortable pressing you for more information, especially since youre not offering any! If youre the one always getting canceled on, then do this in reverse, as redditor RESET-REWIND suggests. Humans have a fundamental need to seek out and maintain close relationships with others (Baumeister & Leary, 1995). Clearly, this isn't the most creative way to cancel plans, but hear us out. When breaking commitments, the best way to go about it is to cancel in advance and have honest and reasonable excuses which serve to maintain friendships that are a fundamental part of life and satisfy the need to belong. This is a great excuse that works well when youre canceling a day or two in advance. Accept that the validity of any excuse is always subjective Everyone has their own barometer for what's valid and what's not in terms of reasons for bailingand just like with anything else. Note. Through her website, littlevoicebigmatter.com, she shares practical advice and heartfelt insights to inspire and support women in motherhood, relationships, wellness, and life. "They felt tired", Mention something that is non-specifically important (scenarios not coded as 'Unexpected') Here's how to politely excuse yourself from the plans. Specifically, communicating early on about cancelled plans communicates a type of responsivity to a relational partners predicament; perceiving relational partners as responsive is thought to be one of the major contributors to successful relationships (Reis et al., 2004; Reis & Shaver, 1988). Here are 12 times it's legitimately OK to back out of plans: 1. Among 1,192 people (72.5% women; 71.8% White), the majority of the participants wanted advanced notice and/or a quick call/text when plans are being cancelled. At heart though, people do not like rejecting other people, primarily because they do not want to hurt their feelings (Joel et al., 2014). Specifically, the Investment Model postulates that commitment arises primarily from three sourcessatisfaction with a friendship, the amount of investment people have made and will make moving forward, and whether the alternatives to a friendship (either other relational partners or being alone) might be more appealing (Impett et al., 2001; Rusbult, 1980, 1983). Second, and related to the first limitation, having individuals spontaneously generate preferences for cancellations, reasons for cancellations, and emotional responses to cancellations invites a great degree of individual difference influences that were not modeled in the current study. Hartgerink, C. H. J., van Beest, I., Wicherts, J. M., Williams, K. D. (2015). A good friend may try to convince you that it will do you good to talk about your situation (and it probably would), but will understand when you decline their invitation to chat. All responses were coded to yield more accurate estimates of the relative frequencies of each feature. Women reported being more annoyed with cancellations with little notice given, thought it was important to reschedule plans, were more offended if the excuse was a lie, and were more upset if a good or best friend cancelled on them. I've had terrible diarrhea since this morning, and I think its best that I stay home tonight. How to Cancel Plans Without Pissing Someone Off - Lifehacker How upset would you be if a best friend cancelled plans with you? It's a popular and growing phenomenon: We say yes, yes, yes to event after event and invitation upon invitation, but then when it comes down to actually attending, we often bail, sometimes at the last minute.