I really hate that sometimes out of the woundedness, we protect ourselves by being as unlikable as possible, so we beat people to the punch of hurting us. Rob Anda and Vince Felitti and I would talk about it everywhere we went, and nobody would pay any attention. And this is why when we do our work and anybody else who does work like this, as well, we find that the best predictor of your current functioning is your current connection, independent of how bad things were when youre growing up. Because we found as Oprah This is, I think, one of the most useful parts of what we talk about in the book, is that when your experiences happen, make a huge difference. Surgeon General's Warning: This is about as real as it gets. And so much when Ive worked in domestic violence and sexual assault, the behaviors that made those experiences survivable become pathologized. Gina Chavez is a radiant, passionate performer and activist. OW: It says that I appreciate the magnificence of my life, that Amazing Grace is the theme song for my life, and everything else that surrounds it is a part of that grace. Perhaps she'd need to create a whole new podcast elsewhere? That was part of the reason for opening a girls school, is literally going from village to township to township to find girls who were like me, who didnt have the love and support and the caring, but had the will to want to do better. BB: Yeah, but then when theyre like, Tie your arms and legs, but Im going to do the exact same thing, but youve lost control over yourself. So Oprah, well start with you. For the sake of clarity, media outlets are permitted to use photos of Bren Brown from her Media Kit page or license photos from Getty Images, etc. Now I understand that theres a science behind that, and more importantly, what Bruce says at the end of the book is, What happened to you is important, but equally important is what did not happen for you. So being able to understand part of the reason why you carry the pain, the anger, the angst, is because of what didnt happen for you and being able to offer that to yourself. Whats on your nightstand? Bruces website is www.neurosequential.com, all of their Twitter handles and Instagram handles and website information is on the episode page on brenebrown.com. But if youre continually in a school where youre feeling like you dont belong, youre not the right color, youre not the right gender, youre not the right religious beliefs, whatever it is, if you are continually in the outgroup, it leads to the same emotional, physical, and social consequences as capital T trauma. And the same thing to curiosity, right? Karson & Kennedy: K&K Full Show - What Happened - Apple Podcasts How were you loved? Dr. Perry says This is conversation, and the way their book is written is just so smart and beautiful and easy to follow, and just you cant stop reading. BP: No, its just because I have a little imp in me. Its hosted by me, Bren Brown. In one sentence, what does this mix tape say about Oprah Winfrey? What about you, Dr. Perry? We are relational creatures, and the capacity to be connected and meaningful in healthy ways is shaped by our earliest relationships, love and loving, care-giving, the foundation of our development. Is this my favorite? Ill tell you COVID Rough marriage season for me and for a lot Steven and I have been together for 30 years, but it was rough. I have. BP: And when she tells stories and does the imitations, its like Frank Caliendo. Like, Is this really my favorite? Seat of the Soul is there and A New Earth is there. Police quick On the latest episode of Unlocking Us, Brene shared it's the second last episode "on Spotify." It sounds like they don't know what will happen after that. Unlocking Us - Bren Brown It doesnt address the stuff we talked about in terms of race or being in outgroup in culture. BP: Absolutely. Having had that kind of background or those kinds of horrific things happen to you, what would you expect?. BB: Yeah, good answers to that. and PrivacyPolicy. Im still here. That would be me too. His work on the impact of abuse, neglect, and trauma on the developing brain has impacted clinical practice, programs, and policy across the world. BB: What a spirit to have abide with you. You know, when I was telling that story, I was going to say, And Im sure you did the same thing, Bren, because everybody does it one way or another. . Alright, Oprah Winfrey, Dr. Bruce Perry, thank you for bringing us Im going to hold it up with all my stuff. Now I'm gonna tell you right now we're gonna dig into it. The two worst singers in rock and roll. I cant remember the name of the show. 0:00:51 Groundbreaking work at Yale. BB: No ones ever topped that. BB: No, its true. Thats what everybody is looking for. This level of uncertainty, and youve had that since birth, when you come into a school where theres order and theres discipline and theres expectations for behaving a certain way, those kids had a post-traumatic reaction. So we have been friends and cohorts for a long time. So I have Mark Nepos book, and I have Mary Olivers book called Devotions by the bed, and I also have Seat of the Soul is always there. What about you, Dr. Perry? Receive updates from Bren straight to your inbox. We define trauma and talk about why big and small traumas activate our stress response systems and create emotional, physical, and social consequences, and how we can . Youre not getting into the weeds, youre not learning much about them. And I want to share this experience. Let me just tell you the rest of the story. BB: Yeah, it was so funny because at first I was like, Oh my God, Im so glad I didnt get picked, because I couldnt even do the balloon pop at all, like free to go.. Of all the spirits, that would be the one. I mean, it was unbelievable. Duolingo Podcasts - Here's What You NEED To Know - duoplanet A stronger Basically, its like weight-lifting for your stress response system, but any activation of your stress response, even little, thats unpredictable and uncontrollable, or prolonged and extreme, leads to traumatic changes. And I think certainly for lots of people who grew up the way I did, not feeling loved and supported inside your home. And so thats why I kind of back into it from looking at it as a neuroscientist, and I think that when you do that, I think it makes it easier, for me at least, to communicate to my peers and other people Im teaching that you can be somebody in an out group and have no big capital T trauma. And sometimes during a commercial break when people were nervous, I would reassure them, Youre really doing okay, youre doing okay.. And so now people talk about the three Es: The event, the experience, and the effects. Okay, so this is going to be interesting. Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing. We have a chart in our book that talks about activating your stress response in ways that are controllable, predictable, and moderate, leads to resilience. OW: I think that was my biggest learning, my biggest takeaway from this book, is that zero to 2 months, that time where babies are learning just who mama is and papa is and learning what colors are, at that time when the brain is so open and malleable, and the synapse in the brain thats being formed, that is the time where actually the most learning and also the most damage can take place, and so people Ive interviewed thousands and thousands of people over the years, many of them involved in domestic violence situations, women who would say, Im going to leave once the kids get older, not realizing that most of the damage has already been done. So I went back and listened to every one of those songs from every one of those artists last night. And she is a global media leader, a philanthropist, and someone whos changed the world. It means that whatever your risk is, its going to be diminished. Was that okay?, OW: Yeah. For the sake of clarity, media outlets with advertising models are permitted to use excerpts from the transcript per the above. Bren Brown Returns to Spotify Podcasts After Joe Rogan-Induced Pause Baby Shark was on your list, because this is how my team wrote it. "Unlike some creators, I don't have the option of pulling my work from the platform," Brown noted. OW: No, but I actually I calm myself. This week I'm talking to Oprah Winfrey and Dr. Bruce Perry about their new book, What Happened to You? They will define trauma and talk about why big and small traumas activate our stress response systems and create emotional, physical, and social consequences . And so thats why you see I have a lot of old stuff there. Before we get started in our conversation, let me tell you a little bit about our podcast guests, although, Oprah may not need a big introduction. Produced by Parcast, the show consists of both monologue and interview content and focuses on human vulnerability through Brown's experiences in social work. BP: Pretty good. And how trauma shapes our brain, how our stress response system is completely affected by what weve lived through. Im reading, Im on page 75, lot of post-its. Unlocking Us with Bren Brown But I think the best thing about it is exactly what Oprah said. Whos been close to you, how youve been connected, that is protective in the presence of adversity, and I think that when medicine finally figures out how to do both, look at both, youre going to get a better understanding of the person in front of you. So I dont know what that means neurologically or. BB: Im going to try. Id bring a toy in that was brand new, and Id bring a toy in that was from their home, and Id say, Which one of these do you want? And theyd always take the toy from home. This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged. BB: Right. What happened to you as an infant has a profound impact on this capacity to love and be loved. Damn! And just the other day I heard it and I went, I dont know, is it still a favorite or has it been tainted by that relationship? But again, a lot of people had bad things happened before they are able to even have any cognitive recollection. Maybe she doesn't want to put as much focus on podcasts? BB: So Oprah, you mentioned the ACE. BP: So we had to find a place that was quiet and then, that had the right background, so the only place that was close enough to the router was next to my bed. And so there was a very narrow category of post-traumatic stress disorder, and that in and of itself is actually pretty new. OW: I think, just to be able to ask the question, and as is the case with my girls coming in, at least knowing something about what happened to you, even those 10 questions is a beginning. Bren with Oprah Winfrey and Dr. Bruce D. Perry on Trauma, Resilience Thats the story of us. And when you are in the presence of people who give you signals, both physical and emotional social signals, that you belong, your stress response systems are better regulated, your reward systems get stimulated, which decreases the probability that youll seek maladaptive ways to get reward through drugs or other things, and that literally prolongs your Whatever your genetic strengths or weaknesses are, it pushes that towards health, and it prolongs your life. So listen, I was so intimidated when I did the commencement speech at Harvard, and so when I finished, Im looking for anybody just to say, Okay, you did okay. And I was talking about that whole question of people always wanting to be validated and knowing that, Did you see me? I really believe you were the first person, Oprah, that I heard ask this question. BB: You said, Yeah, it was good. And you said, We should do another episode., BB: And I said, Oh my God. But the risk of hurt and the risk of having the old tapes reactivated and the old messages like Let me tell you something that you wrote. BB: Yeah. You have imprinted there in the synapse in the brain, youve been printed there in the brain stem, these violent actions, this way of being in the world that colors that childs worldview forevermore. Getty . Follow I've spent over 20 years studying the emotions and experiences that bring meaning and purpose to our lives, and if there's one thing I've learned it's this: We are hardwired for connection, and connecting requires courage, vulnerability, and conversation. SHARE THIS STORY. The 'Unlocking Us' podcast does not shy away from discussing feelings of vulnerability. Ive experienced these traumas. But then when we talk about systemic racism, when we talk about poverty, when we talk about the non-event trauma, people go, I dont understand it. And then what ends up happening is we end up saying to people, Hey, you need to be more vulnerable, and that person comes back and says, Im afraid every day to walk down the street. Then we shame them for not being vulnerable, because when you say privilege, almost the privilege of regulation. 2020-04-21 Have you ever struggled with feeling lonely - even when you're surrounded by people you love? And so I think its so important that rather than judging somebody in these pejorative ways, giving them labels that are inaccurate and dont lead to good care, that we take the time to get to know each individual child and understand why theyre acting the way they are. Okay. I said everything I needed to say while she was alive, and now I feel the spirit of her is with me always, just abides with me, so. Through the power of media, Oprah Winfrey has created an unparalleled connection with people around the world. Unlocking Us Podcast Review: Bren Brown Is Just the Voice We Need In this Unlocking Us podcast episode, Brene Brown speaks to Oprah Winfrey and Dr. Bruce Perry about their new book, What Happened to You? So I want to start with a really, maybe deceptively simple question, but a question that I think is really important. [Audio podcast episode]. And Im not going to do anything differently, but pop this balloon. Receive updates from Bren straight to your inbox. OW: I got called to the balcony by the moon. And now thats a really important finding, and now heres where I get a little bit nervous about the ACE survey is that. Join researcher and #1 New York Times best-selling author Bren Brown as she unpacks and explores the ideas, stories, experiences, books, films, and music that reflect the universal experiences of being human, from the bravest moments to the most brokenhearted. Okay, Ive seen it. It's painful and confusing. Unlocking U - Listen to All Episodes | Arts & Culture - TuneIn So heres your challenge, here are your six songs. BP: Absolutely. And I tell the story in the book about reading the newspaper and hearing about a school shooting in Chicago, and the principal saying he was not going to chain the doors when the parents were asking for the doors to be chained, and he said he wasnt going to do that because it would send the message to the students that they were not safe, and I had a big, huge aha that, Oh, thats why I felt unsafe all of these years. Even in my 58th floor apartment with security guards downstairs and cameras all around, still feeling unsafe, feeling like I had to do the thing that my grandmother did, is I tell the story of putting the chair under the door so that nobody would come into the door, and so my recognition of, Oh, thats where that comes from, immediately released some of that fear. Oprah, we have three more questions. What would I do? Her passionate collection of bilingual songs traversing cumbia, pop, and soul take audiences on a journey to discover her Latin roots through music as she shares the story of life in Texas as a married, queer Catholic. BB: Oprah and I are in conversation with Bruce Perry, who is an MD and a PhD. Im going to tell you what I really struggle with, and I think weve talked about this before, Oprah. Yes. That really is not just a phrase, we are stronger together. This week Im talking to Oprah Winfrey and Dr. Bruce Perry about their new book,What Happened to You? Vulnerability? So thats whats on my nightstand, a bunch of recording stuff. BP: Exactly. Okay. BB: You got to give me a snapshot, Bruce. Social isolation makes you much more physiologically at risk across the board.