This story was originally published at washingtonpost.com. Instill some confidence by adding these values are "[things] I'm really focused on in my next role, and I really want to find a company where I can stay for a long time," Minshew adds. Ive recently come to realise that I also hate work or rather, I hate and resent that in this capitalist system working is the only way I can survive. OP probably needs more than an attitude change. Once you find that, you start to live up to your own potential. It should also be a baby-step process. Its like being a serf. Here are five things you can do to navigate being in a job you hate during the coronavirus pandemic: Before you think about moving on, spend time thinking about whats going and what youre struggling with, so you can work toward a solution. :). He needs to have a job, so he has one. Rachel Montaez has lived and worked on three continents, coached more than 800 1:1 career change clients, and holds a graduate degree in career guidance. Many of those people also have family that depend on them. I dont think those people are worth sacrificing your happiness for in any case. The biggest hurdle is competition, of course. Choose from the top developers on unremot. If the OP is sending the message to their child that its okay to avoid chores and schoolwork, its unlikely the child will develop a strong work ethic and that sets them up for problems down the road. Organizations need to be flexible in their approach to managing workforces during the pandemic. Thanks for sharing. I had put the wrong months in there just as place-holders and had intended to look up the correct months before hitting the submit button, but doh! As someone who suffers from clinical depression (of the kind where I have been known to huddle in the corner of my closet because it felt safe) and knows she will be on meds all of her life, I still have some responsibility/control over how I deal with the painful socks permanently stuck to my feet. Therapy helped me to change my perspective and give me ways to deal with the pain and grit my teeth until I could find softer ground to walk on or learn to walk on my hands (to carry the metaphor forward). And plenty of people drink kombucha without a full-body revolt (though I cant see how). Oh thank you. I went to therapy for this, and it really helped. OP, I feel your pain. This is not good advice. 3. There are many factors that weigh into a big career decision like changing jobs and it isnt always cut and drybut we can tell you what signs you should look out for in making such a life-altering decision. Did I write this? Not even in the same ballpark. Wow. You on the other hand have just figuratively smacked down what might have been the best team player you ever had on your team due to a lack of empathy with a fellow human being. No special patterns or anything, just knitting. Youll have a delicate balance to strike between groveling with an undue apology versus defensiveness that misses what exactly went wrong in the first place. Well put. For the OP, I would also consider retail and restaurant jobs. High five, right? Where does his wife fit into this? It doesnt have to consume and end your life! I could go on, I think you see what I mean. But, unlike the OP, I worked hard in school and liked collecting As. If the only thing that brings you together is your toxic attitude toward everyone else, well, you may not be any better off than if you had no friends at work. Or it works, but it requires so much effort that its almost not worth it. Its much easier to reconcile and overcome your challenges if you accept and address your feelings first. OP has two conflicting goals- a wife and child (family) and a strong desire to be free of that ball and chain that says job on it. Like everyone else, Im not thrilled to toss a diagnosis at at someone who is obviously already feeling trampled by the world, but it sounds like OP has serious depression or an anxiety disorder. -Investigating which of those feelings were based in the job I had when I started therapy (which was a harmful environment) and which were overall work-related; Being happy is so easy. The down side is that Im special-needs-level addle-brained after 9 p.m., and I never manage to stay awake until midnight on New Years Eve. Im a similar person. Maybe it is as simple as finding the right fit. Thankfully, she gave me some practical advice I could use right then, rather than spending weeks delving into the minutiae of my childhood. The next time you complain about someone at work who wont pull their weight think about who you might work with if there was less stigma associated with using government resources. He doesnt need some come-to-Jesus experience to arrive at these realizations. For the record, I was an at-home parent for years. Let the OP know they arent alone, and others have found workable solutions. A couple of years back, I lost a beloved pet who was practically my child. Life is beutiful and should be used with meaning not sitting behind a desk. I think its likely we are the exact same person. I often find life (and every job Ive ever done) repetitive and dull. You feel overwhelmed and cant see any light at the end of the tunnel, you cant see any point to anything and you just give up. Im curious, OP, that you say you were like this even as a child, with chores. Yes, you can choose how to treat it, but first you need to be diagnosed and then you need insurance to pay for your medication. One of the ex-SAS men being interviewed in the documentary said that several ex-members of the SAS who hed known personally had committed suicide after leaving the army because they couldnt handle what theyd been through and what theyd inflicted on others. I like the idea that we can tweak that remaining 40%. How have you changed for the better? But that step wasnt as easy as just sitting down and doing it, because it wasnt the first step the first step was figuring out why I wasnt already making those choices, because given the choice, everyone would prefer to be happy, right? The fact that you want to smack anyone with a job who wishes they didnt have to work, would be a serious red flag to me. My GP tried to prescribe me some pretty heavy anti-anxiety drugs for asthma attacks without a referral to a psychiatrist. I think maybe they should ask, if (something youve wanted for ages) were available, whats the max effort youd take to do it? take some time to invest in your health and once you start to feel better things will fall into place! FWIW, I think what you have goes far deeper than just hating work. The color, the visual appearance of the tomato plant, those things dont bother me. Also, it is completely possible to be happy and still be massively depressed. Life does not have to be this hard and this tortured. I didnt get abused; I didnt miss out on a major experience like a school play or a sports event or getting an award or going to a dance merely because I had to attend work instead. This is a psychological issue, and if the OP cant or wont seek psychological counseling, the workplace equivalent of Scared straight may do the trick. Some people find sitting in an office chair for 8 hours intolerable and frustrating. Ideally he would get any depression issues under control first, but I wouldnt slash an entire list of career options based on the fear that it might come back. Theres something so smug and short-sighted about framing your natural tendencies as virtues and suggesting that other people just need to try to be more like you. FWIW, Im not the best at keeping house so would rather work. Complaining dosnt change anything, the only thing you can control are your own actions to change your situation. This guy is one strong dude. For example, you mentioned writing a book. : Nice touch dissing janitors and farm workers by suggesting their jobs are so awful, anyone who does them for a while would be forever content with any other employment. This is just an avoidance/coping mechanism, an anywhere but here reaction. Shell probably spend too much time looking at AAM and Facebook, or whatever social media diversion is her particular poison. I dont watch anything serial, esp if my spouse wants to watch it to. By the way, OPs body shakes at work sound like when I have a panic attack. The four to do laundry, dishes, eat, and bank. Im trustworthy.. But it does look like youre letting life happen -to- you instead of making it happen -for- you. Showering leads to dressing. Suppression of ones feelings all the time doesnt make someone not miserable. You are completely normal, work is for indoctrinated fools who are shallow, dull and cowardly. That better solution turned out to be continue working from home. I still get anxious and shaky sometimes, but my week is two days shorter than it was and that has made literally all the difference. It can be difficult living in modern society and not having a job, you kind of have to be self-employed in some way, it it hard to go against the grain people find it difficult to accept. No such thing.. I cant be sure where things went off course here, but if you want to clear the air, Id recommend addressing it without further delay. I play games on my phone, I text anyone that I think will respond do me. intelligent carpenter is usually confined to exhorting him not to be drunk and I had the same sort of issues and it turned out to be a magnesium deficiency! Every day i feel as if i rather die than have to go into my job. A job has been worth itpriceless, evenif it's taught you lessons that you can apply elsewhere in your life, she says. I dont have a child and will never have one, and Im giving up the financial benefits of a stable full-time schedule to do this. It seems a bit like youre saying, have you tried not being depressed?. Or having your own, small, cottage industry where you sell things you produce yourself? When you say, I hate my job, check whether you are reasoning is, I need to quit my job as I am unable to balance my personal and professional lives. The day we figured out which chores each of us doesnt hate, and divided them up that way, was one of the best days of our marriage so far. If you were just barely performing, example one task that takes a day you take 3 or more to finish, then there would be reason for being fired. Again, thanks for the comments everyone. They just think being unhappy most of the time is their lot in life, so they go (miserably) undiagnosed. If you worked on a side business or project while at your last job, focus on what you learned while on your own. I would be happy to work my way up the ranks here. Im going to go out on a limb and assume they tried that. Really. -Discussing / moving towards accepting that this is a choice Im making because Im willing to pay the price (i.e., 40 hours of my week each week) for the benefits that Im receiving (salary, vacation time, health benefits, praise for my performance, trust / flexibility / autonomy, etc. I was not born with a naturally sunny disposition. It could be choosing to have his wife work part time while the child is at school. Definately talk to a doctor and get referred to a therapist if need be. There are several questions to ask if you are thinking about quitting my job. I felt Id go postal. I feel the same way right down to feeling especially like a slacker compared to the high-achievin AAM crowd :) Im glad Im far, far from alone on this! A little perspective will fix that ennui. I have mentioned to my spouse many times in this week alone that life is not worth living and I do feel hopeless at many points about the future because I am so doubtful that I will ever be able to find suitable help and a job I can stand. Yes, ideally you will enjoy what you do, have friends at work, and mostly feel good about your employer. Unless the children are in school all day, people like OP arent suited to being an at-home parent. Worse, I watched my coworker mouth off publicly to my boss, and she got a promotion and substantial raise the following year. As soon as he leaves, he starts to feel better. Plan for the transition from the current company once you receive an offer elsewhere. Its important to keep in touch with reality and not blow your situation out of proportion, but if someone is suffering it is valid to them. Even if Im at an office, I try to do it with the mindset of a medieval monk baking bread or something. Like, if youve ever seen Newsies I want to be the person whispering in Christian Bales ear (actually I want that for other reasons, but I digress). P.S. Youre projecting your own feelings on her, and she may not feel like that at all. We live like college kids. I need some motivation, a new opportunity, a pick me up. I decide if I take a project or not. They have helped me immeasurably. After all analysis and discussions, still, if you dont like it you can get out. Personally, Id check out the low cost mental health care options linked above. Also, does your job have insurance? Im just trying to offer a different perspective from the dozens of people above me. I know its been a very long time since I made the post (March) and fairly long since you replied (November) but I wanted to say, I didnt miss it! Also, it feels good to be doing my own thing while Im on the clock, because its basically like giving the finger to my bosses who promised me one job, but then stuck me in a far less desirable position. While professionals stated, I hate my job one of the top reasons shared by them is unsupportive managers or supervisors. So the fact that you seem to genuinely want to be a provider for your family is something to hold on to while youre sorting things out. In this way youll be able to hate your job a little less. My personal unhappiness was tied to severe anxiety about failure, which means its not about one workplace. Finally got laid off and drove all the way home screaming as loud as I could. Umpteenthed that most people dont feel about work quite the way you do, so its likely that your wife wouldnt. For example, in the case of burnout, if you struggle to set boundaries and tend to work way too much, youre likely to take that with you to a new jobespecially if youre working in a field you love that deeply connects with your values and interests. For the latter, maybe you should look into jobs where there is naturally lots of down time. While I think it can be empowering for people dealing with any tough stuff to consider how their choices may affect their experience, its important not to place blame at the same time. I will always, always tell people with depression and anxiety and so on to seek medical help and therapy. I cant pin-point any negative single (or multiple) childhood incident(s) which poisoned my workplace experiences nothing was really so dreadfully that it traumatized me. .many, many people are working without having a boss. Make sure your office buddies are supportive and encouraging and not constant complainers. I already know what I think, what I need is new input, so time to try another one. While opportunities to make connections and build relationships may not come about as easily or naturally when everyone is working from home, you can make it a priority to improve your overall work experience (and even help you if you decide to look for a new job). Im 23 years old have a college degree, but I hate working. Ranger positions are extremely competitive, people work large parts of their careers to get a gig like that. But making the choice to get help is still a choice some people have to make to be happy, and for some people it is an incredibly hard choice to make. Their answer is I hate my job when employee newsletters, press releases, company news are not appropriately shared and communicated across. And when you have a moment of happiness, say it to yourself (or even out loud). Agony. There are industrial-organizational psychologists, who study work environments and people at work. 5 Reasons It's OK to Stay in a Job You Hate | The Muse A dash of it is enough. Well this is getting long winded, and is straying from responding to the OP, so I will wrap up. All you might be able to manage is Well, it could be worse; I didnt have a flat tire today. And thats fine. Which was impossible to imagine at the old job. I tried various therapies, various ways of making work more tolerable (make a game of it; work with the right kind of people; work in a cause that you care about; get outdoor work; get indoor work; get piece-work for hire rather than salaried regular-location work; get higher degrees; do manual labor; etc. To the extent that youre open to believing these sorts of things, heres an article that lightly touches on them: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/12/09/scientific-proof-that-you_n_4384433.html. When it happened to me at a time when I was pretty unhappy at work, I said that I picked it because I was good at science and art, and this was a job that paid really well for doing science so that on the weekends I would have enough money left over to do art. Thankfully, when I got out of that situation things improved a lot. Honest. Perhaps you also feel disappointed in yourself for not acting when the labor market was good, and now youre struggling to find the energy and motivation to get going. Meanwhile, look for new people in the organization you can connect with. I was born a bit melancholy, and have suffered clinical depression in addition to many serious problems in my life. Nobody was saying that here, so I said it. Or its not functional. From what Ive heard, showing up and then doing almost nothing is the norm in a lot of companies. It actually does sound like it to me. I cannot imagine working a job where I had to be focused for 8 hours a day I would go nuts without breaks (and one more thing that baffles me, the idea that you get a 15 minutes break and thats it). Thats what clinical depression is. Occupational therapists end up having to specialize in a subset of the possible therapies in order to not have the kitchen sink thrown at them. That's good news for young workers who feel their new jobs have been overhyped during the Great Resignation. I have three more weeks left at my job, and then Im moving home to go all freelance all the time. She would absolutely choose to be happy, but she cant. Lack of collaboration and interpersonal relations with coworkers leads to mental trauma. update: how do I avoid mom energy with my younger employees? Its like, if I tried this treatment that everyone is saying is great and works for them so well, and it doesnt work for me is that my fault? I would venture to believe that there are many people in this situation. Honestly, if there was someone telling me to do them more often, I think more would get done! I consider both of those things breaks. The guilt spiral with emails has led to some pretty extreme situations for me that would sound absolutely ridiculous if I typed them out. Employees expect jobs that provide the potential for growth, while employers expect their employees to add significant value. Being unemployed for even a few months with no income could be just the thing the doctor ordered. I literally just didnt care and came very close to losing my house. Im not saying that you need to find a career, forget career. I have plenty of things to do and hobbies, and to answer the old what would you do if you were rich? question, Id be pursuing those hobbies and traveling the world. that if in the very center of his life and occupation he is insulting God with bad Whats the hole in your life and what will it take to fill it? Currently, I am not in treatment nor do I have access to the correct medications (in my case, an ADHD med and an anti-anxiety drug that should not be used every day). You could see the guilt etched on his face and he said that what made it even worse was coming home to his own son who was around the same age as the lad hed killed. So when I say I like my job what it really comes down to is that, having accepted that some sort of employment is unavoidable, this job is one of the best Ive encountered. Like the old saying goes, walk a mile in someones shoes before judging them. If youre this miserable, thats no way to live. But thats most peoples reality. Let me first say that this email might come across as whiny and/or juvenile, but I want you to know on the front end that I truly want input and help. Start neutrally and respectfully: I understand I upset you and you felt I overstepped my bounds. An unsuitable work environment with unrealistic coworkers is one of the reasons behind, I dont like my job anymore. The Emotional Intelligence concept by Daniel Goleman includes self-management as a core element. I say this with all compassion (Ive been there) and all of my best wishes for you. So, I just wrote below that I am a lazy person who hates to work. :). More things to discuss in therapy. So be wary of anywhere that considers this to be 100% necessary, as it may not be the best for you and your wife in the long term. I survived cancer while I was in college and when dealing with that in therapy I was always told to envision my future regularly because I had one again and who knows how long I might have to enjoy it since recurrence is always a possibility. Baker also advises to acknowledge the importance of strong connections with co-workerseven if you dont necessarily like them. OP I normally dont comment, but I wanted to chime in, because therapy has come up so often in the comments, and 1) I have been seeing a therapist for 7 years now and 2) my therapist and I often discuss my feelings towards work. Wanting more out of your work just means that you are top talent who wants the best out of your careerand you deserve it. But when youre this unhappy, you also cant afford to not seek some therapy, at least for a little while. You cannot choose to have diabetes or lupus, for example, although you CAN choose what you do about it. I make a damn grateful list every day and if I had a shitty day, it really, really doesnt make me feel happy and genuinely grateful. Its about something thats somewhat helpful in brief, stressful situations. Then its easier to get back to it. And it might just take longer! When I was on my job search last year and thinking about changing sectors, I looked back over all of my jobs, FT, PT, student, intern, everything, and found that the common theme I enjoyed was customer service. I find pleasure in helping other people, in making their lives easier. Janitor. To me, this shows you are a man of honor. Some people are perfectly fine with buying a plot of land in the bush and living off the grid/land. Perhaps she could take over the working outside the house role for a while. There was rapid morning panicked preparing for it; then rapid morning panicked rushing to it; then rapid morning panicked working at it; then no time off eat at the desk rapid noontime panicked meal; then rapid afternoon panicked working more at work; then rapid evening panicked rushing from work to home; then rapid evening panicked rushing to bed, to be in bed soon enough to be able to get up at 6:30 am the next day. Others develop eating disorders. But not like most people Im scared of them. I think its deep-seated anxiety, but it is to the point now where no one wants to help because theyre tired of being taken advantage of. I wonder if you can think of a time you felt happy and describe what your life was like then. . Lastly, I would try just changing your behavior. Depression can be debilitating, to the point where you cant get out of bed, let alone make important life decisions. Having to get up extra early this morning thanks to a doofus co-worker who is seriously trying to boss around women 10 yrs his senior etc. I have felt this way too. I wonder if it would be helpful to do a short stint of therapy focused specifically on changing your perspective about work and gaining acceptance of work as a necessary means to fund all of the non-work things you do enjoy in your life.